Narratives

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Hello, this is my page full of narratives.

You might want to know, some of these are really long, like, really, really long.

This post will take really long so patience is required. Sorry.

 

This is my first story. I hope it’s not too long.

 

BEHIND THE CURTAINS OF MENKULWUY

Markus Stone was walking down the misty corridor of Greenery High when he heard a noise, a creak of the floorboards which didn’t make sense since he was walking on the marble floor and he was the only one in the school- it was 11.00 pm, why should someone be there?

He had matters to attend to.

Markus knew of the importance of these matters, but curiosity overtook him. He followed the direction the noise had come from and found himself in the music room.

He heard a scraping noise behind him and turned. He saw a shadowy figure holding a trumpet and they smashed it into him.

*

“He lost too much blood” the detective, Patrick, was saying. Detective Patrick was a slim man with a slight build. But he had a sense of power and confidence. He had a light stubble and a large scar under his eye. He had brown wavy hair and bright blue, calculating eyes.

Markus had been found the next morning lying on the music room floor, dead.

“The question is, why?” queried Principle Mullins.

“And how?” chipped in Mrs Gulls. Markus had been one of Mrs Gulls favourite students and the loss had affected her deeply.

Markus’ mother and father had been alerted at once and were in the corner, Markus’ father comforting his wife who was sobbing uncontrollably.

“He was o-o-only eight-eighteen” she choked.

The detective Patrick stood up. “Eighteen, you say?” he questioned, deep in thought.

“Thats ri-right” she answered, barely audible.

CHAPTER 2

Patrick drove down to the abandoned warehouse, on the North side of town, it was a dodgy place and he suspected the warehouse had been a base for criminals to blackmail boys in their early twenties or late teens to do jobs for them.

He had received a tip-off that the warehouse was a base a few years back but when he got there, it was empty.

This time, he hoped good fortune would find it’s way to him.

He pulled up outside and and got out of his Mercedes. He walked calmly to the door and opened it easily. The hinges were well oiled and Patrick took that as a sign.

Home Sweet Home
Creative Commons License Photo Credit: Trey Ratcliff via Compfight

He stepped over the threshold, carefully peering around the corners, and yes! A briefcase on the table!

He briskly walked over, all thoughts of spying forgotten and opened the briefcase.

It was full of hundred dollar notes! It had to be at least a hundred thousand dollars! Patrick, his heart beating with excitement slowly looked around the room.

He was looking for someones identification. He must have been there for hours but he didn’t find anything else.

Except, there was the possibility that the computer had some information, though computer cameras could be hacked and he could be watched.

He’d seen a ski mask just a few minutes ago under the couch.

“Ski-mask” he muttered to himself.

He got down on his arms and legs, arched under the couch and snatched the mask.

He slipped it on and hoped it made him look like the average thug.

He stood up, and in a flash of movement was at the desk. He turned on the Mac and up popped the password box

“Damn!” he muttered. Then he remembered, he was a FBI agent and every one was equipped with a hacking device.

He merely plugged it into the computer and waited

….30%….40%….50%….60%….70%….80%….90%….99%, it faltered, Patrick leaned in, one eyebrow raised, then relaxed as it ticked over to 100%.

CHAPTER 3

He opened Finder and scrolled through. He searched through the pictures and found pictures of the thugs. He recognised some of them    but others he didn’t and he made a mental note to remember their features.

But they weren’t what he was looking for, he was looking for a picture of Markus to show proof that it had something to do with this agency of thugs.

Just when he begun to lose hope, when he was nearing the end of the pictures Patrick found him! Markus was sitting on the couch in-between Charlie Mgruel and Shaun Zoon who had been jailed about four months ago.

“So he’s been with them for quite a long time” murmured Patrick, and he also noticed that Markus wasn’t looking scared. He looked comfortable. He looked as though these thugs were his friends.

“Well, thats something to think about” thought Patrick.

He drove home to his apartment in South Hampton. His apartment was small, to say the least. But it was a good spot and a great view.

There was a popular bar run by a man called John who was a close friend of Patrick.

He also lived very close to a great, hulking, manor run by a single family. Everyone seemed to love them except for Patrick who thought they disturbed the peace.

His small apartment was shabby and full of little trinkets and odd things. He sighed deeply. This was not how he saw his life 23 years ago, when he was 11.

Patrick decided to turn in early and headed to bed. Dreams of warehouses and people creeping up behind him clouded his dreams that night, as he tossed and turned.

CHAPTER 4

 The next morning he headed to the police station straight away. He opened the door and and walked slowly in. Every one was staring at him as though he was an alien. He changed his path from his office to his boss’s- Officer Mcreedy.

He entered the large office and looked around. He rarely entered this office and didn’t get to see the finer detail. Now, he could see every crevice and hole. Officer Mcreedy was beefy, to say the least. He was bold, had a large moustache and a large mole on his left cheek.

“What are you doing here, Patrick! I sent you a message that you were to be at dock two to visit Markus’ Grandparents! Go, now!” Barked Officer Mcreedy

“Yes, Boss” replied Patrick, obviously chastened. He hadn’t even looked at his computer, let alone check the emails. He half ran out of the station and drove to dock two.

He jumped out of his car and ran to dock two. The boat was just leaving. “Damn!” murmured Patrick, what was he going to tell the boss?

Then from behind a thick wooden post was Officer Mcreedy, pointing a gun at Patricks head.

“Now Officer, this doesn’t need to get messy.”

“But, it does, doesn’t it? You’re too close to the truth, and I can’t let it get out” replied Mcreedy. As Mcreedy was talking, Patrick had been edging closer to him. Before, Patrick ha been at least 3 metres away, now he was just over 2.

“Officer I think we both know that i have merel-” Patrick dived, while he was halfway through a word. He knocked the gun out of Mcreedys grasp and it skidded four metres away.

There was a second when the two men looked at each other then dived desperately. Mcreedy fell short but Patrick just reached the gun, picked it up and pointed it at Mcreedy.

“I’ll shoot you, or you could come quietly to the station where you will be questioned and imprisoned. Patrick handcuffed Mcreedy, picked him up and shoved him roughly in the car.

Patrick drove to the station, brought Mcreedy inside and into the interrogation room.

CHAPTER 5

Patrick sat Mcreedy down, sat down himself and said one word. “Why?”

Singin' Low And Slow, The Empty Room Blues
Creative Commons License Photo Credit: Lotus Carroll via Compfight

Mcreedy seemed eager to answer, almost. He answered immediately. “I guess it started when I taught at Greenery High, I met a boy who was a rebel and bended the rules. I was already breaking the law at that point and I wasn’t completely sure what to do.

Him, and a couple of his idiot mates snuck out of their houses and went into the warehouse one night. Coincidentally, we were there and discussing plans, big ones. He and his friends heard us so we encouraged them to join. But being stupid eighteen year olds, they wouldn’t be able to keep a secret. They had to be silenced.We designed a plan. We told Markus that he needed to break into his school and steal some important plans I had left in there. But there were no plans. Just me, waiting to silence him. Markus was the first. The others are yet to be killed.

Patrick waved a hand of dismissal. The guards took Mcreedy out of the room, and he came with them, quietly.

Patrick repeated the news to the agents and they groaned of disgust.

A woman in the corner called out, “what about the other boys! We need to protect them!”

“And we will” replied Patrick.

READ BOOK 2 TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO THE OTHER BOYS

11 thoughts on “Narratives

  1. Learning Together

    Amazing writing Tom. You have a great talent and your expressive language made the story come alive!
    I would love to share some of your narrative with other classes during Library time if that would be OK with you.

    From Mrs Kennedy

    • tommck

      Thanks Mrs Kennedy!
      It would be great if you shared my story.
      In case you didn’t notice It read at the bottom “Read Book 2 to find out what happens next” and I plan to make it into a trilogy.
      Thanks Again,
      Tom

  2. Kelly Gardiner

    Wow, Tom, what a thrilling adventure. I can’t begin to imagine what happens next, but whatever it is, it’s bound to be exciting after this great start.
    Here’s a tip somebody once told me: when you’re writing an action scene, like the one with the gun, use really short sentences. That makes it seem like everything is happening really fast, which is how it would feel to the people in the scene.
    Hope that helps you with your writing.
    And congratulations on all the work you’ve done so far.
    Kelly
    (Author)

    • tommck

      Thanks Kelly,
      I’ll try hard to work on those short sentences.
      I plan to make the other boys (Markus’ friends) more involved.
      Thanks again,
      Tom

  3. Mrs. Hamman

    Dear Tom,

    What an exciting story! You have a real talent for drawing your readers in and getting them to keep reading to see what will happen next. I loved your descriptions of the characters and settings—very vivid! I’ll be sharing this page with some of the upper grades teachers at my school. I’m sure you’ll have some readers who are eagerly anticipating Book 2!

    Regards,
    Mrs. Hamman

  4. Miss Y

    Hi Tom,

    What a wonderful example you are of how being a reader can help you to be a fabulous writer! I read on your blog that you are a big fan of John Flanagan and the “Ranger’s Apprentice” series…I am too! What other authors and series do you enjoy reading?

    What an exciting story with great twists! You have a fabulous vocabulary and your use of adjectives brings your characters and settings to life and allows your readers to create a movie in their heads. Your opening paragraph creates suspense and hooks your readers because they are wondering what will happen. I really liked your line “He had matters to attend to”.

    I’m looking forward to seeing what happens in Book Two and how Patrick manages to protect the other boys.

    Watch out John Flanagan!

    Miss Y
    (teacher librarian)

    • tommck

      Thanks Mrs Y!
      I’m planning on making another post for ideas for number 2.
      I’m really looking forward to writing number 2 but I’m considering changing the name. The towns name is quite confusing.
      Thanks, Tom

  5. Mrs Clark

    Hi Tom,
    You obviously have a passion for writing and I am really enjoying reading your narrative. Splitting it into paragraphs makes the reading easier. Wondering if some illustration might be embedded. You might be as talented at drawing or sketching, or you might know someone who can collaborate with you. Your writing is so descriptive and your use of language certainly makes the characters come ot life. Looking forward to reading more.

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